How how how how how & how?

How does it feel like to know when you're down, people come & say nice things to cheer you up? How does it feel like to be free? How does it feel like to be under my & your skin? How does it feel like to be able to do anything, without being judged? How does it feel like, to have life the way we want it to be? How does it feel like to not be a runt? How does it feel like to be the pretty one? How does it feel like to have many admirers Whether secret or not? How does it feel like to hold glory in your hands, without any effort? How does it feel like to be appreciated? Loved?

How do people get what they don't deserve?

So many questions. Once a day, I take my time & start staring out into space. Clear my mind, and think about all these things. Sometimes, my mind brings me to scary thoughts. One, that I could never imagine what will I become if it ever happens. Sometimes, deep in my soul, flashbacks of old treasures try to reach out to me. Bringing me back into the past. Haunting me, giving no mercy. I regret. I regret. I regret. I've done countless sins & I wish to start over. But I know it is impossible. Though I try, I know I can't do it. Though I try, my heart keeps telling me to not give up. Will I ever succeed?

I know one day, I will. One day. And as I wait for that day, I shall keep reminding myself to not forget my prayers. A change is all I need. A tweak of my personality. A change for my ruthless attitude. A change for the better. It is gonna take a while. Nobody changes for the better in just a split second. For you out there, who are doing the same as I am.. Goodluck. So I have a question..

How do you change for good?